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Love Bites

By Sam Siggs

Midsummer night's eve in Edinburgh. A girl with wings and a plastic bow and arrow sits sobbing on a bench. It's been a hard day. Love. Bites.

Setting(s)

Various - a park bench, school playground, a cafe, swimming pool flumes, a park, a bar, a wind farm, a flat, etc.

First produced

June 2012. Directed by Ruth Hollyman.

Cast Size

Mixed cast of 18: 7 female, 11 male (flexible)

Recommended for performers aged

14-16

Running Time

60 minutes

Recommended for audiences aged

12+

Script Extract:

BITE #2B

The commonwealth pool. A flume. 10.55am. DARYL is stuck.

DARYL: (singing) Stingray! Stingray! Dah-dah-lah-duh-dah-duh!

He tries to unstick himself but to no avail.

DARYL: Stingray! Stingray! Dah-dah-lah-duh-dah-duh!

Tries again to wiggle himself unstuck, again to no avail.

DARYL: Well this is fun.

AMY comes sliding down the flume and gets stuck directly behind DARYL.

Silence.

DARYL: Hi.

AMY: Um…Hi.

DARYL: I’m stuck by the way.

AMY: Oh.

DARYL: You stuck?

AMY: Well yes.

DARYL: So we’re both stuck. Both good n stuck.

AMY: It would appear so.

DARYL: Could be worse though. My cousin Jamie said someone put razor blades in a flume in Fife
once and some lady lost a whole bum cheek. Imagine that? Like, losing a bum cheek! I mean, what
would you sit on?

AMY: Well thankfully both my bum cheeks are fine.

DARYL: Yeah they are.

AMY: Pardon?

DARYL: Nothing!

AMY: Look. Can you not try and wiggle yourself free? I don’t really want to spend the rest of the
afternoon stuck in a water filled tube.

DARYL: Could be worse.

AMY: How?

DARYL: Could be stuck in some railings, or a lift that someone’s peed in…or a haunted well.

AMY: Haunted well? What are you talking about?

DARYL: Haunted well! Like in that film ‘The Ring’. The lassie with the hair and the googly eye gets
all trapped in a haunted well and she’s all like ‘Naw!’ and it looks well shan in the haunted well.
Much better in here than in the haunted well.

AMY: Thanks for that. I shall steer clear of all haunted wells in the future.

DARYL Make sure that you do.

Pause.

DARYL: So how’s your swimming been so far, Amy?

AMY: Sorry. Do I know you?

DARYL: Convalescent bonds, Amy, Convalescent bonds.

AMY: What?

DARYL: I sit behind you in chemistry.

AMY: Oh. Do you?

DARYL: ‘Do you?’ she says. Yes Amy I do. Do you not remember when I asked you what your
favourite element was and you said ‘zinc’ and I said that ‘potassium’ is far superior to zinc because
when you stick it in a Bunsen burner it goes all purple. Do you remember that little exchange?

AMY: Um…yeah.

DARYL: Good time. Good times.

AMY: Do you think we’ll be stuck in here long?

DARYL: Nah. Once the lifeguards notice we haven’t come out the other end they’ll send a chubby
kid down at break neck speed to sort of flush us out. Don’t you worry. We’ll be out of here in no time.

Writer

Sam Siggs

Sam is an Edinburgh based playwright. In 2013 he was selected by the Traverse Theatre to be one of the Traverse 50 writers and in 2014 he was mentored by the Playwright’s Studio Scotland. Writing credits include Fringe hit Hex (co-written with Tim Primrose), The Place between Sleeping and Waking, The Little Boy from the Moon (ECA rehearsed reading and Words,Words,Words) and All I want for Christmas is the Head of Johnny Murdock. He has also written numerous plays for youth theatre and The Village Pub Theatre.

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